An Un-Gift Guide, and a Few Actual Gifts To Buy

Gifting is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, it’s my love language. If I love you, I spend the year carefully filing away everything you say you like and don’t like and I store that information in the back of my brain until birthdays or the holidays roll around. The act of giving gifts is almost a gift to myself because of the unreasonable amount of joy it brings me- I get it from my momma, she always jumped through flaming hoops to make Christmas special and make sure everyone got exactly what they wanted.

I was going to write you a gift guide of my favorite things, because that’s the blogger thing to do. I’ve felt myself getting overwhelmed these past few weeks- the newsletters, the social media promotions, the retail emails I can’t even be bothered to open anymore. I never ever imagined I’d say this but I’m actually tired of spending money on things; the high has worn off and I’m ready to light up an overpriced candle and hibernate in peace.

Well, Black Friday passed, the ship for holiday shopping has pretty much sailed so I wanted to write you a different kind of gift guide, one for the gifts I hope you’ll give yourself. (If you still feel like spending money faster than you make it and want to skip past my holiday-zen soapbox, just go ahead and scroll to the bottom, no hard feelings.)

The gifts I hope you give yourself, selfishly and without guilt or fear:

Time - Something we all feel like we don’t have enough of. There’s no extra time, we make time. I hope you give yourself time for the things you actually want to give your time to, not just the things you say you have to do. 

Patience - Take it from a fellow control freak, it’s so dang hard to wait for the things you want. Let go of your need to know when. If I’m being brutally self aware, I do not go with the flow. I don’t know how to “play it cool” - I know this about myself. As soon as I stopped pretending I’m laid back, as soon as I stopped worrying twice and started accepting I can’t make water boil faster, my exhales got deeper and the tightness in my chest from not knowing relaxed itself too.

Rest - Whether it’s in the form of more sleep, doing nothing, mindlessly watching Netflix, I beg you to let yourself rest. Especially during a year when nearly everyone is working from home, your burnout is valid and you still deserve a vacation from your exhaustion. Take vacation, even if you’re not going farther than from your kitchen back to your bed.

Self Compassion - I recite this mantra to myself daily- go easy on yourself. I hope you can talk to yourself the way you talk to the people you love. My therapist once made me write a letter to my younger self, apologizing for all the words I use to beat myself up, even when it’s veiled in sarcasm and comical self depreciation. I gotta tell you- when I got done writing that letter, I bawled because I know younger me would be disappointed in me for how little I believe in myself on those downer days. Do your best and let that be enough. Take a page out of my book and write it on a sticky note and stick it on your mirror- my best is enough.

Fun - Have fun, selfishly and unapologetically. Like, truly, go have fun- whatever your definition of fun is. Give yourself the gift of making your soul light up. If you’re not sure what that is, look through old pictures that make you feel something and then go back to that place where you felt sun on your face. 

Openness - Be open to not getting your way and instead, getting something better than what you asked for. This one is a gift I’m working on giving myself now and maybe it’s something you can give yourself too. When I launched this website and when I’ve started any project or entered into a new relationship or started a new job, I’ve cursed myself by writing out expectations and calling it manifestation. Get clear about what you want but when you imagine it all working out according to plan, leave space for a better plan than the one in your head.

Happy Weight - I’ve written about body image plenty lately, gain the happy weight! Or even the sad weight! But I hope you won’t guilt yourself for eating the way you want to, even if it means learning to love your body in a different size for a while. If you’re like me, my body weight is an ebb and flow. I can require three people to help me jump into my skinny jeans and still feel sexy as hell. Your body and you are not at war. And let’s be real, comfort carbs and wine are the stars of the 2020 survival starter pack. 

Connection - It took me too long to learn this one, being someone who always believed I was great on my own. Me, myself, and I- we were great pals. The truth is, you need people and on your lowest of lows or highest of highs, I hope you share those days with your people who want to know. Make phone calls, send cards and emails, do the annoying Zoom happy hour, take a walk side by side. As someone who used to find joy in taking five hour walks alone, listening to podcasts and the monologues inside my head, I promise empathy, sharing your stories (and your fries) will make your heart all mushy, in a good way. 

A good sweat - This one is hard to do on some days. I barely feel motivated to workout on most days lately but doing something is better than doing nothing. Moving my body even for fifteen minutes is my reset and is a welcome reminder that I’m able and strong, although I run like I did in high school. 

Rituals - What's something you haven’t done in a while or something you wish you did more of? Mine is reading. I’ve become an expert at buying books I don’t read or buying books that might look cool on my coffee table. Think about the things you do that are just yours- just for you and no one else- and rebuild the habit.

If you can give yourself those things or even just a couple that you’ve neglected lately, you just might feel a little lighter- light enough for your personal Hoku soundtrack to come on, but only inside your head- let’s not make you out to be some crazy person.

In case you do feel like spending money on a little treat yo’ self or if you’re really late with the gifting, these are a few of my favorite things (sung just like Julie Andrews):

Vuori athleisure- I’ve been LIVING in their joggers and leggings. They feel like butter, they never pill or stretch and they’re worth every penny. Not to mention, they make my butt look real cute. 

New York or Nowhere Prints and Merch- If you’ve been following my blog for a minute, by now, you know I’m a bleeding-heart New York romantic. I absolutely love NYON prints and merch, I have one framed above my desk. Right now, a percentage from some of their sales helps save New York restaurants. Get on that!

Alexis Smart Flower Remedies- these entirely depend on if you’re into this sort of thing but these handy plant based tinctures got me through my anxiety during the most trying part of this pandemic. 

La Di Da Dee Boutique - This is not a product but a plug for my favorite boutique in Brooklyn. I buy over 50% of my clothes there, my candles, my incense, my greeting cards, my favorite cozy things. Their website and shop feels like a carefully curated assortment of the retail therapy wishlist I write in my head, and plenty of surprise-things I didn’t even know I wanted. (Don’t hate on my fanny pack.)

Partners Coffee - My favorite roasted coffee in Brooklyn, year round. This cute little neighborhood shop used to be where I’d hang out when I wanted to be alone with a book but also not alone. Luckily, I can still brew their beans at home on days when my walking loop doesn’t get me there. Not to mention, this coffee has always been a hit with former in-laws and the coworker I put off getting a Christmas gift for. 

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade - I start my day by flipping through a random page in this gorgeous book. Cleo Wade’s words are always exactly what I need to hear before I jump into my zoom calls and shift sides of my brain. 

Animal Spirit Cards - These are another one of those “if you’re into it” sorta things but I love pulling one of these cards at the start of my day and using them as a daily affirmation or just something to think about throughout my day. 

Bombas Slippers - Everyone needs a good pair of slippers and Bombas managed to make a pair as amazing as their socks, but slippers. Even if you think you’re not a “slippers guy/girl”, these are the tits.

Happy Holidays, all. Stay cozy, take good care of yourself.